The unimaginable has happened and you are a widow or widower. Mourning your loss has been the focus of your life for the past year or two. Finally, as you begin to surface from your profound grief, with a deep breath and lot or a little trepidation you find yourself falling in love again. Is this new relationship fraught with landmines? You bet! Here are important stepping stones to help keep you afloat along the way, Do's and Don'ts as it were for widows/widowers beginning a new, loving relationship.

Is it possible to mourn the loss of a beloved spouse and, while still grieving, to not only meet someone special, but fall in love and begin to build a new relationship that includes a commitment to sharing your lives? Can we overlap our loving and our grieving? The answer is a profound: YES! But, to smooth the path, keep these helpful Do's and Don'ts in mind:

The loss of a spouse is one of the most difficult loses we experience as your entire day-to-day life is turned upside-down. The grieving process following this loss is divided into five time sequences of grief. One to four months would be called SHOCK, five to eight months of mourning is DENIAL, nine to twelve months is ANGER, thirteen to seventeen months is DEPRESSION, eighteen to twenty four months is INTEGRATION, ADJUSTMENT and TRANSITION.

The mental fog that had sheltered me emotionally during those first four months after my husband's death is slowly, and painfully, beginning to clear. Coincidently, this occurs just as the world around me appears to need me to get out and on with my life. And so, I'm finding that this is an important time in my mourning because with my newfound awareness comes the need to take a stand, to "own" my grieving process. Sounds like I'm getting stronger? Yes, in some ways, but the reality is that sadness, crying and feeling lost are still very much a part of my day-to-day world.

At this point, widowed for about 18 months, I met Hal the night I attended my last "bereavement support group" meeting. I was instantly attracted to his energy. We seemed to have a lot in common, both professionally and emotionally. I gave him my business card with the knowing feeling that he would call, but I had no idea if it would be in a week or a year. I hold a life's philosophy that things happen when they should.

To many loving pet owners losing a pet is like losing a member of the family. Many pets are loyal friends and companions and offer their owners unconditional love and comfort that is almost impossible to get from a human. Grieving for the loss of a friend or family member is expected and understood and yet many feel that they are not allowed to mourn when their pet passes on. Often they fear being ridiculed or mocked if they allow their distress to be visible and yet they can be closer to their pet than any human they know.

Most traumas, including the death of a spouse are potentially shattering experiences. These events can disrupt the survivor's social, emotional, and cognitive worlds. Although there has been frequent mention in the literature that traumatic situations cause people to talk about their experiences most evidence has been anecdotal. When someone within a social network dies, members of the network are naturally drawn together. During the grieving period especially within the first few days or weeks the survivors socially share their emotions and memories with each other.